


never enough, except you are

by avengerfambam



Category: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: AND GAY, Bullying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Flashback, Gay Flash, I Don't Even Know, I Made Myself Cry, I'm Sorry, M/M, MJ is sassy, Peter Parker is a Mess, Self-Harm, Why Did I Write This?, idk what this is, my emotion outlet, peter parker is bi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-01-12 10:05:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18444332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avengerfambam/pseuds/avengerfambam
Summary: just a fic to let out my feelings, please be safe and don't get triggered. ily all. it gets better a=later i promise





	1. fire escape

MJ sat quietly, listening to her drunken father scream at her. She had done something wrong, yet again, and, like most times, she didn’t even know what. She chanced a glance at the clock, it was a little after eight. Her mom should have been home an hour ago. With disgust, MJ wondered what guy she was screwing now. Recently her parents had decided to have an “open” relationship, basically an excuse to have sex with other people. Her father started drinking more, and her mother never ran out of reasons to blame MJ. 

At the sound of the door opening, her head shot up. Her mom wandered in, looking quite pleased with herself. Gross. Her father turned his attention away from MJ and she took it as her cue to leave. She quickly left the room as her fathers shouting once again filled the silence, luckily this time it wasn't directed at her.

MJ walked into her room and grabbed her sketchbook from her backpack. After locking the door, she walked over to her window and opened it. 

The Joneses lived in a large apartment on the 12th floor. MJ climbed out the window and onto the fire escape. With her sketchbook tucked under her arm, she climbed the fire escape to the top. When she got to the 15th floor, the highest she could climb on the fire escape, she threw her sketchbook. It landed softly on the roof of the building. Carefully, and with skills she had mastered from years of climbing, she hoisted herself up onto the roof. Landing gracefully next to her sketchbook. It would have been easier to go through the building to take the stairs up, but then she would have to walk past her parents, and who knew what they would do if they didn’t want her to leave. 

She walked over to the garden a little girl had made on top of the building. When she was younger she had always wanted to have a garden, but her parents said it was a waste of time and effort. At the time she had been heartbroken, but now she could honestly care less. Her parents were right, what’s the point. 

She sat on the ledge next to the garden, with her legs hanging down towards the street. With her sketchbook waiting patiently beside her, MJ sat quietly listening to the sound of the city life below her. It was easy to get caught up in her thoughts, especially when they were trying to catch her anyways. She didn’t really mind much at this point, she’d already given up on the idea that people were good, already given up on the idea that life was good, that she was good. 

A tear slid down her cheek as she replayed the day in her head. She had woken up to slamming doors, meaning her parents were fighting yet again. Numbly she got ready for school, deciding to skip breakfast and climb down the fire escape rather than facing her parents. School had been the same as it always was, shitty. The whole day she was ignored by everyone, as usual, except Flash. Flash had been bothering her since the sixth grade, it was nothing new. What was new, however, was that today MJ had been accused of being gay. There was nothing wrong with being gay of course, at least to MJ there wasn’t, but considering that she very much wasn’t gay, it really bothered her. No guy had ever liked her romantically, or platonically for that matter, given that she didn’t have any friends, but that didn’ mean she was gay. 

On her way home from school, two guys had tried to mug her. This was an often occurrence, given that she lived in one of the worst neighborhoods in Queens, but this time one of the idiot teenagers trying to mug her had a knife. It didn’t scare her as much as it should have, probably because she could honestly care less if she got stabbed, but given the uncontrolled shaking of the kid’s hand, he most likely wouldn’t have actually one anything. MJ simply kept walking, flipping them off. When they yelled threats she turned and smiled, waved, and flipped them off again. Luckily they didn’t follow her or continue their pathetic attempt to steal her backpack. 

When she got home her dad had immediately started yelling, and that’s what brought her here.  
Unfortunately, this was one of her better days, and she had the scars to prove it. 

Wiping her hands across her face, MJ flipped open her sketchbook. Taped to the back cover was a razor blade. She peeled the tape back and carefully took the blade in her hand. She quickly rolled her sleeve up to her elbow, revealing her scars. Some scars were older, silky white lines layered upon one another, while others were more recent, pink colored and significantly deeper. See, that’s the problem, with cutting, like with any other addiction, you slowly build up a tolerance, and when one scratch isn’t enough anymore, you do more, you go deeper, longer, you let yourself bleed a concerning amount, but it doesn’t hurt because you’re used to it. 

Placing the blade just below her elbow, MJ pulled the blade across her skin. Blood slowly filled the wound. It was satisfying to watch her emotional pain turn physical. With tears running down her cheeks, she continued to make deep cuts down her arm. 

“STOP! PLEASE STOP!” someone yelled.


	2. hypocrite

Peter was swinging through the city on his nightly patrol. He was in a dangerous neighborhood, there was often crime around here. As he looked around, he saw a girl sitting on the top of an apartment building. He often saw her up there, her brown curly hair distinguishing her from others. He knew that she went to his school, but she didn’t really talk to anybody and when she did, it was normally something sarcastic. 

As he swung by, he felt his heart drop. There was blood running down her arm. Unfortunately, Peter immediately understood why. Without thinking he called out to her.  
“STOP! PLEASE STOP!” he yelled. The girl jumped, almost falling off the roof. Peter landed, right behind her. He sank to his knees, with tears in his eyes.  
The girl, he thought her name was Michelle, was visibly shaking. She looked terrified.  
Pleadingly he held out his hand. 

“Can I help? Please” he asked softly. 

Michelle seemed confused but placed her arm in his hand, looking down at the ground. With slightly shaking hands Peter gently wiped the blood off her arm, using a cloth that Karen supplied. When he had cleaned up most of the blood, he counted. Seventeen new cuts. He double checked that she hadn’t cut a vein. She hadn’t. He let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. 

“You can stop staring at it, it won’t go away” Michelle suddenly said, startling Peter. 

“I know it won’t” Peter sighed. “What’s your name?” he asked, even though Peter knew who she was, Spiderman sure didn’t.

“Why do you want to know? You aren’t going to do anything are you?” she asked, deflective at first, but becoming more worried with each word.

“Just tell me your name” Peter demanded. 

“It’s MJ, now tell me yours” she replied smirking. 

MJ, Michelle Jones. Makes sense. Peter smiled a little, MJ was funny. 

“Uh can I have my arm back?” she asked looking down at her arm still displayed in his hands. 

“Sorry” Peter mumbled letting go. 

They sat in awkward silence for a few minutes, MJ handling the situation a lot better than Peter would have. 

“So what are you going to do?” she asked quietly, voicing the question Peter was wondering himself.

“Nothing” Peter replied sadly. He couldn’t make her stop hurting herself, he knew that, but he really hoped she would. 

MJ looked shocked at his answer, slowly pulling down her sleeve. She was relieved but slightly disappointed. She had thought for a brief moment that maybe, this person would finally care. 

“Dope” she said, brushing her feelings off. Why should she expect some random person to care, let alone a superhero. She stood and turned to leave. 

“Wait a second” Peter called, not trusting that she wouldn’t continue hurting herself when she got inside. MJ turned, eyeing him suspiciously.  
“Give me your blade” he said, his voice more demanding than he meant it to be. “Please” he added quietly.

MJ scoffed, she had more inside, taking one wouldn’t stop her, taking all of them wouldn’t stop her. She would find a way. 

She was still reluctant to hand it over though. 

“Why?” she asked, genuinely curious. “You seem to know a little something about this, so I would assume you know that taking this one blade won’t do any good”

Peter subconsciously grabbed his wrist. It didn’t go unnoticed. 

“Show me” MJ stated simply. She knew the signs. 

Peter felt oddly comfortable with this sassy stranger, and either way, he was wearing a mask, she couldn’t do anything to expose him. Tapping the spider icon on his chest, he let the suit fall from his arms, luckily it stayed around his waist. He held both arms out, and his eyes were met with large brown ones. She stepped toward him and inspected both arms, the same way he did. He had almost no scars, but his arms were still covered with newer cuts, almost as deep as her own. 

“Cool” she stated simply. 

Peter recoiled immediately. Pulling his arms to his chest and then putting his suit back on. 

“No. Not cool” he said as he hit the spider icon once again. “It’s not healthy for either of us” 

“But you seem to heal quickly” she said, explaining her thoughts. The cuts were too deep for it to be a recent habit, and considering the lack of scars, it made sense that he must have just healed.

“I do, but that doesn’t make it okay. It’s hard, But life isn’t going to get any easier, you just have to find different ways to cope” Peter replied feeling inspirational.

“That’s quite hypocritical considering that you cope the same way I do” MJ shot back.

Less inspirational.  
“You’re right. It is. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t true” He stated, folding his arms across his chest. 

“Okay” she said with a shrug. 

“Uh okay?” Peter repeated not sure where to go from there.

“I mean take your own advice if you want, I’m good though” She said flipping her hair as she turned to go again.

‘Wow’ Peter thought. This girl was something else. 

“Hey” he called as a last resort. “Please be safe, at least for tonight” 

MJ smiled, though not a genuine smile. “You too” she called back, jumping onto the fire escape. 

As Peter turned to jump onto the building next to him, he noticed her sketchbook sitting on the ledge. He opened it and looked a few of her drawings. He couldn’t help but smile when he saw one of himself. It wasn’t anything special, there were drawings of everyone that was on their decathlon team, but it meant something to him. 

Peter smiled back making a mental note to talk to MJ at school more. Maybe they could help each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't really have any plans for this fic, comment and let me know where you want it to go :)


	3. what now

MJ climbed into her room and shut the window behind her. Turning her back to the wall she slid down to the floor. That was the weirdest interaction of her life. She pulled her sleeve up and stared at the fresh cuts along her arm. Slowly she let her head fall back against the wall. 

She knew it wasn’t healthy. She wasn’t proud, she wasn’t ashamed either, she was just numb. MJ sat and waite for the tears to fall, but for some reason, they didn’t. She could fix that. She reached for her sketchbook, stopping when she realized she had left it on the roof. There was a possibility that Spiderman, or whoever he was, was still up there. She knew he would know exactly what she wanted to do. He would be disappointed. She had promised to stay safe, at least for the night. She could do that. 

Standing up, she went over to her dresser drawer. She moved aside all the crap that was in the way, pausing when she reached a box containing more of her blades. With a shake of her head she threw it aside, she only had to last tonight. She grabbed her headphones that her dumbass had left in the back of the drawer before closing it again. 

After double checking that the door was locked, MJ turned off the lights, plugged her headphones in, and layed on the floor. She quickly turned on her special playlist. It was called ‘shit happens’ and consisted of songs that never failed to make her cry. You gotta fuel the fire right? Slowly her emotions overcame her, within twenty minutes she was bawling. 

She had almost cried herself to sleep when her phone buzzed. And continued to buzz. With a groan, she looked at the bright light and saw that it was her stupid alarm telling her that it was eleven. If she didn’t get to bed now, she would bitch and moan in the morning and most likely end up being late to school. MJ sighed and got up, flipped on the lights, and unplugged her headphones.

She stripped out of her jeans and her shirt and threw on a tank top and sweat pants. She reached for her sweatshirt, to cover her arms, but it was hot. Part of her was concerned that her parents would come in to wake her up, even though they hadn’t cared enough to do that in years. And plus, even if they did see, they would probably tell her she wasn’t doing it right and show her where her veins are. She snuck out of her room and ran to the bathroom to pee and brush her teeth. When she was done, she snuck back into her room and climbed into bed. 

As she fell asleep she replayed the night over in her head. Why would Spiderman even care? Why would Spiderman even cut? Wasn’t he like best friends with the Avengers? Isn’t being a superhero supposed to be all fun and games? Turns out he’s human, just like everyone else, which means life must be a shit show for him as well. 

Part of her wished that she could talk to him again, figure out who he was, what his deal is, but part of her never wanted to see him again. She couldn’t imagine him ever trusting her enough to tell her anything, and he wouldn’t stick around to figure out how to make him. 

MJ fell asleep feeling numb, like always. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After stopping three muggings and an armed robbery, Peter decided to end his night early. He was still a little shaken up. Sure, he had stopped people from jumping off skyscrapers or the Brooklyn Bridge, but those had always been strangers, people he could stop and take to a hospital. MJ was different. Is different. He knows her, not well, but he could have done something before, he should have noticed. 

He swung back to his apartment, quietly climbing in through the window onto the ceiling. He changed out of his suit and into grey sweatpants and his favorite green sweater. Perks of being half spider - or whatever he is - he’s always cold, so people never ask questions when he wears long sleeves when it’s still technically summer. School had started a little over three weeks ago, so it was still relatively hot outside, at least for normal people. 

He glanced at the clock, twelve thirty. He still had to do his homework, but he normally got in around three on a normal night, he had plenty of time. He pulled out his notes and got to work, but his mind kept drifting to the events that had taken place just a few hours ago. It hurt him that MJ was struggling. He didn’t know her that well, hell, he didn’t know her at all, but he wanted to help her. Some part of him felt the need to protect her. Even if that meant protecting her from herself. He really hoped she would keep her promise and stay safe. 

Realizing that he wasn’t going to get any work done anyway, Peter decided to call it quits and catch up on his sleep. He set his alarm and climbed into bed. 

As he lay in bed he made a decision. He would do everything in his power, as Spiderman, and as Peter, to keep MJ safe. That started tonight. He had stopped her from hurting herself further, and hopefully, he had made an impact. Showed her that somebody cared. Tomorrow he would talk to her at school, become friends. Then he could help her as Peter Parker, give her a shoulder to cry on, a friend to confide in. He wanted to be there for her. And he would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please, someone, tell me what to make happen. i'm not creative enough to keep the story moving. it's either never going to get finished or it's just going to end abruptly.


	4. AUTHORS NOTe

okay so it has been a while i'm sorry! i got really busy and also didn't need to use this fic as an outlet for my feelings anymore, so i kinda stopped writing. but. do not fear. i am going to keep writing, but i will be going in a different direction. there are a couple things i need to establish. first. this happens during senior year. mj, peter, and flash are 17. also flash is in this a lot more than i originally planned. oh. and also mj is gay now lol. mj and peter were going to date, but then i decided that i didn't want to do that cause i can lol. i might go back and edit the other chapters but probably not because i am lazy. anyways. suggestions are always welcome and remember to please please be safe. this will hopefully become more fluffy and cute, so sorry if yall wanted to read this to help wallow and be sad or whatever like i was when i started it. now it will be happy and cute so stick around and maybe i can cheer you up. okay cool. ily all enjoy the next chapter:)


	5. exposed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is almost 2k words. hopefully that makes up for me not posting like at all. i will try to post more!

MJ woke up, and immediately wished she didn’t. She was strong last night, well if you call her mess of emotions strong, but that was for spiderman. Why it was for spiderman? She couldn’t tell you. All she had to do was make it through school. She could do that right? 

MJ went about her morning routine quickly. When she grabbed her backpack she considered climbing out the window again, but she hadn’t eaten at all yesterday (an often occurrence, she forgets) she decided to bite the bullet and hope that her parents wouldn’t notice her. 

Opening her bedroom door, she listened for her parents. Surprisingly she didn’t hear anything. She slipped out of her bedroom and walked quietly to the kitchen, where her lazy-ass father was currently drinking himself dead. There were multiple empty beer bottles on the counter, as well as a couple in the trash can. MJ really hoped they were from last night, it was too early for her father to have had that much, it was just after seven. 

Slowly drinking a beer, her father stared at her. They stood silently for a moment, just staring at each-other. Suddenly he chucked the half full bottle at her, missing her entirely, but still shattering against the wall.   
“What are you doing here” he grumbled getting yet another bottle out of the fridge.   
“I’m just grabbing something to eat, I’ll leave in just a minute” she replied quietly. 

With anyone else she would have been a lot bolder, but her father was unexpected. One wrong move and he would backhand her across the face. It had happened many times before, and lets just say it was less than enjoyable. Moving slowly MJ grabbed a banana off the counter and a granola bar out of the pantry. Not much, but it would do for the day. 

She silently turned to the door.

“Where do you think you’re going” her father spat at her.  
“School” she replied quickly hoping he would let it go.  
“No you aren’t. Look at this house, it’s a shit hole” He said walking towards her “Clean it you bitch” he practically shouted. 

MJ glanced at her father, and then at the door. It was unlocked. If she ran, she could most likely get out before her grabbed her. If not, well, she just better be fast enough. 

She took the chance. Sprinting the few steps to the door she swung it open and ran out, not bothering to try and close it behind her. He lunged at her when she took off but didn’t bother following her out of the apartment. Regardless of this, MJ didn’t stop running until she reached the elevator and the doors were closed behind her. Leaning her head back against the wall she let out a deep breathe. She would pay for that later, if he remembered. 

Slowly, dreading the day ahead of her, she walked to school. As she got close, she mentally prepared herself for her un-avoidable encounter with Flash. He was getting more and more angry at her, and she still couldn’t figure out why. 

MJ walked in through the double doors and made a beeline for her locker. She was just a few feet away when she heard Flash calling out to her. 

“Oh Jonesyyyy” 

She rolled her eyes. She used to hate that nickname, because it was a nickname, now she hates it because it ties her to her parents. Well that and her DNA. 

“Fuck off Flash” she mumbled. She really didn’t have time for this. 

“What was that Jones?” Flash asked, his voice rising. “Do you have something to say to me?” he stepped towards her menacingly. 

MJ ignored him and tried to walk away. 

That’s when all hell broke loose. 

Flash instinctively reached out and grabbed onto her, specifically, onto her arm. She writhed in pain, twisting out of his grasp. This left him with a fist full of her sleeve, which he pulled as she walked the opposite direction. Great move. In one quick motion her sleeve was ripped off, leaving her arm, scattered with her fresh cuts, exposed to everyone. 

Flash looked down at the material in his hand and then back up at MJ, at the pure fear in her eyes. He didn’t get it. So what? He ripped her precious shirt, it’s not that big of a- 

Oh.

He saw her arm as she pulled it close to her body. He recognized it immediately, just as he had with Peter. MJ was cutting herself.

Oh shit.

Guilt and dread bubbled up in the pit of his stomach. He was the cause of this, or some part of it at least. His vision went blurry as he watched her run down the hall and into the girls bathroom. What had he done? 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Peter watched it happen. He saw Flash messing with MJ. again. He used to mess with Peter but then all the sudden stopped. It was a confusing yet welcomed change. He wanted to step in and help. He wanted to tell Flash to stop. But he couldn’t. Because MJ and Peter weren’t friends, and besides, Peter Parker was a scrawny dork who couldn’t stand up to his own bully, let alone someone else's. And although he wasn’t that kid anymore, he had to pretend to be him. 

He watched as MJ tried to walk away. He watched as Flash grabbed her. He watched her wince in pain. He watched as her sleeve was ripped off and he watched as MJ ran into the girls restroom, and Flash into the boys. Both with tears in their eyes. 

Internally Peter battled. He wanted to go to MJ. He had to make sure she was okay. But he also wanted to know if Flash was okay. It didn’t make sense that he was crying. He knew MJ was strong, but she still needed a friend. So did Flash. 

Making his decision Peter hurried into the boys bathroom. 

“Get out Parker” Flash said, but there was no heat to it, it was almost as if he was begging.   
“Come here”   
Before he realized what he was doing, Peter was pulling Flash into a tight hug. It was odd, hugging someone who had hurt him so much. But it was also comforting. Apparently Flash felt the same way, after the initial shock, he was clinging to Peters shirt. Sobbing into his shoulder Flash apologize over and over. 

After a few minutes Peter pulled away. Flash looked embarrassed, probably thinking that Peter wa discuseted or something. He wasn’t though. 

“We have someone else who needs a hug too” Peter said before turning and leaving the bathroom. He knew Flash would follow him. 

Peter walked into the girls bathroom and heard soft sobbs coming from the end stall. It broke his heart. He could hear MJ hyperventilating. And Flash could too, he looked at Peter, not knowing what to do. 

They walked over to the stall that MJ was in. Peter knocked, hoping she would open the door. Of course she didn’t though. 

“Go away” she said. 

Peter tried to convince her to let them help, but every sentence he started was cut short by her angry replies. Looking lost Flash tried to push the door in. It wouldn’t budge. He looked back at him helplessly. Peter inwardly sighed. He could either leave MJ alone to have a panic attack, or he could reveal his secret identity. If Flash, the captain of the football team, couldn’t break a lock off, then Peter Parker definitely shouldn’t be able too. Screw it. He thought. If they don’t keep his secret on his own he could always have Mr. Stark do some fancy legal work or something. 

Peter looked at Flash and shrugged before pulling the door completely off its hinges. Flash gaped at him. His mouth opening and closing like a fish. MJ looked horrified and started panicking more, desperately trying to cover her exposed arm. 

Sliding his shirt off, Peter wordlessly handed it to her. He turned to grab his sweatshirt out of his backpack and saw Flash looking even more confused, but also staring at his abbs. Oh yeah. No explaining that one either. Trying to act nonchalant Peter stated simply, “I’m Spiderman”.

Flash looked like he was going to die. If not for the circumstances, Peter may have laughed. Instead he slipped on his sweatshirt and turned back to MJ. she had put on the much to large shirt and now had her arms wrapped around herself as she continued to sob. Peter slowly walked over and crouched down next to her. 

“Can I touch you?” he asked softly, not wanting to make things worse.

MJ nodded and allowed Peter to pull her into his arms. She ended up practically on his lap, her arms around his neck, his around her waist. Peter took long deep breaths, guiding her to do the same. When she could finally speak, the first thing out of her mouth made Flash burst out laughing. 

“You spiderdork. How are you going to explain the broken door” she mumbled. Flash walked over to them. Luckily they were in the handicapped bathroom so there was room for all of them. 

“I’m- I’m so sorry MJ. For everything. I was such a dick to you and you didn’t deserve it. I’m just really really sorry” 

MJ turned to him, sliding off Peters lap. She stood and wiped her tears before speaking. 

“It’s fine. I mean yeah, it was a dick move, but it’s fine.” She said looking him directly in the eye. She had a lot of confidence for having just cried for a half hour on the floor of the bathroom. 

Flash nodded towards her arm. “I can help” he said. “Me too” Peter said standing next to them. MJ smirked. “This doesn’t mean we are friends” she said before grabbing her backpack and walking out of the bathroom. 

Peter and Flash looked at each other. Flash smiled before becoming serious again. 

“I can help you too” 

Peter froze on his way to grab his backpack. 

“I know about the cuts Peter. I should have done something sooner but I thought you hated me and I didn’t know what to do but then today” He paused. Taking a shaky breath he spoke quieter. “It’s my fault you both do this. I at least have to try to make it better”. 

Peter wanted to deny everything, or at least some of it, but instead he just hugged Flash again. 

“It’s not your fault Flash. It’s okay. We all need some fixing sometimes” 

Flash returned the hug. “Uh Eugene actually” he said into Peter’s shoulder. 

“Huh?” Peter asked looking at him.

“My friends call me Eugene” Flash tried to shrug it off but Peter understood what he was asking. He wanted to be friends. 

“I’ve never heard anyone call you Eugene before” he said pointedly.

“That’s because I’ve never had any friends dumbass” Flash- Eugene shot at him. 

“Well you better get used to it then. According to the president, MJ and I are the best friends ever” Peter replied. 

“Oh my gosh Parker. You are such a dork” Eugene said before slinging an arm around Peters shoulders and leading him out of the bathroom. 

Huh. Peter had never had any friends before. This will be interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah that was a mess of a chapter. and i feel like i messed up a lot of stuff but it's okay. i don't know how to write like anything but at least it is english. okay coooooool byeeeeee.


End file.
